It's going very well. It's pretty amazing, I feel like I've finally found my pace. The pictures above are proof of that. Finally I have started my assignment journal, I've been wanting to do that for such a long time. I collect assignments I feel excited about. I write them down in this journal, act them out and record the results. Even the journal itself was kind of a creative assignment, because it was a cheap photo-album for which I made a new cover from a fabric I bought at the market. One of my first assignments is to make a label also for the front cover. I've bought ink, paint, a fountain pen to write, draw or paint my findings. I'm so excited and happy about this, I can't tell you how that feels. It's kind of dazzling also, it's hard for me to concentrate on performing one task, because my thoughts are fluttering all over the place. Since a week or so my mind started doing something new on it's own, fuelled by my enthusiasm I think. I am suddenly very aware of everything around me that was built, constructed. Everything I touch and see, houses, forks, teabags, sheets of paper, everything was fabricated, made, someone had an idea and pulled it into existence. That's how I noticed the house from the movie Percy Jackson, which I posted before. Because I am aware that it was made by men's hands, I feel like I could make such a beautiful place myself. I suddenly feel like I could build or make anything I think of. As I said, kind of dazzling...
I have to stay focused to also try and finish what I start. The thing that helps, is that I try to be very aware if what I'm doing at the moment is fulfilling, or if I'm just wandering around feeling restless, watching television etc. The more time I spend doing things I actually like, the more I become aware of the moments that I doing things purely out of boredom. It also starts to feel more pressing and urgent to do the things I like, because I'm more aware of the positive energy I get from doing those things. I love it. Who knows for how long I can keep up this high? I try to analyse all my thoughts and feelings because I'm so amazed by my new impulses and I don't want them to go away. It's like I'm trying to figure out the parameters I need for the moments I start to feel low again, so that I could just bring my good mood back to life. Is that even possible? I read once that changing your habits is a very hard thing to do, that you need an enormous amount of willpower and that few people are actually capable of changing their behaviour. I've made it happen now, it's a start and I am proud of myself. I'm secretly hoping that if I keep this up long enough, it will become my new habit and then it will be very hard to change back.
Listening to new music also:
Beach House
Villagers
