Yesterday a friend of mine had a birthday party. Some time before it started, I got in the right mood. I am not the kind of women that spends a lot of time on her looks. But yesterday I felt like looking beautiful, in my own way. I braided my hear, put on a black dress, added some colour to my outfit, put on some make-up. I was singing to the music, dancing through the livingroom. I used to do this very often when I was younger. It felt good doing it again, going to all this trouble just to look beautiful. Spending time to look beautiful, like I was my own work of art.
And it worked, I did look beautiful according to my own standards. So now I have this really bad habit: Flirting. It's a bad habit in the first place because I have a boyfriend, so basically it's really not done. And it feels like a an addiction, like a craving. Is it just vanity? I crave the attention of men, the fantasy of what could happen between two people when they fall in love. Or just being looked at, being seen by a stranger. Maybe because strangers tend to pass each other by on the street without looking. When they look up at each other, something special happens between them, the start of a connection. You become aware of an other person who is totally new to you, ready to be explored. And if for one thing, I just love people. I love what they are made of, every single fiber of their character is interesting to me. I often get told that I tend to idealize. This is true, I guess. I always think the best of people, I fill out the blanks with my own wishes and dreams about what this person could be. This can also be in a negative way. Whenever someone has ruined it for me, I tend to characterize them as a bad person, interpreting every move they make in their evil nature. It's just fantasizing, but I do know how to read people. I fantasize about them, like they were characters in my fantasy-stories, but when it comes to knowing what they are like, I do get that right most of the time.
So anyway. We went out dancing. I love to do that. But this was an uninspired dancing evening. The music was too abstract for me. I don't like that thumping DJ-music. I like to dance and sing to the songs I know and hear on the radio. And there were no connections being made. Every group of friends was dancing on their own little island without really looking around them. I had fun on our island, but it wasn't what I had hoped for. I did get some remarks from my female friends that I looked like a princess, or a maiden from the middle-ages. I was flattered. But as I was looking around, I figured that's not something men like anymore. They like hot babes showing a lot of skin, ready to lie down on their beds. I was in the wrong place (and time for that matter). So I decided to leave early.
I walked outside, trying to remember where I left by bike. When I found it, I noticed that someone had attached their bike to mine using a chain-lock. Shit! I stood their figuring it out. This meant I had to try to go back inside and stay until very late, hoping the other person would have left by the time I left again. I really didn't want to go back to that uninspired party, I wanted to go home and sleep! And then the question was of course if they would let me in at all, because they don't tend to do that very easily. That meant I would have to walk home and pick up my bike tomorrow, or something. As I was standing there thinking all this, someone cycled past me and hit the brakes. I heard a voice asking: "Can't find your bike?" I looked up. There was a guy in a grey long coat, a grey bonnet on his head and light-green eyes. He was looking seriously concerned. "It's right here, but someone attached their bike to mine, so now I can't leave." "Oh, that's even worse," he said with sympathy in his voice. "Look", I said, and I showed him the chain. And as I showed him the chain, I realized something. The chain of the other bike was only attached to my chain. So if I would unlock my own chain, the other bike would no longer be attached to mine. "Wait!", I said, "If I unlock my own chain I can leave, I wasn't thinking logically! Thank you!" I cried out. "I didn't do anything." This wasn't really a charming type of guy with a sense of humour. He actually sounded confused saying it, like he thought something was wrong with me or if I was drunk. But I was really grateful. Because I knew that if he hadn't stopped, I would have looked twice at my lock to realize that I could just leave. I would have stayed stuck in my own thoughts about how to go home without my bike. "No, I am grateful," I said. "It's nice when someone asks you if you're okay when you're looking confused." He was still looking at me like I wasn't going to be okay on my own. "Do you have to go far?" he asked. I paused for a moment, asking myself if it was safe for me to tell him where I was going. I told him approximately which street I was going to. "So it depends on where you live exactly, because it's a pretty long street." This was very true and I realized my answer was a bit stupid, so I started rambling. "Yeah, it's not that far really, I used to live very far on the same street, but since a year or so...blabla." "Okay," he said. "So, goodnight." I was actually surprised and a little disappointed. I thought he wanted to offer me to go together. "Yeah, you too," I answered, and then he went away, in the same direction I had to go. I followed behind him, asking myself if I should try to catch up with him and ask him if he would join me. But he was fast. I saw the backlight of his bike shining before me and it made me feel safe. The fact that he was there made me feel safe and not alone. I lost him along the road. But whenever I saw a little red light pop up before me, I imagined it was him again, making sure I arrived home safely. I was so grateful. I realized I had been a damsel in distress that night after all. Not in the sense of princesses and princes though. It was just one person looking after another in a world of strangers.
