Today has been the most beautiful day. All that rests now is the sunset to be watched from the couch where I'm sitting now and typing while listening to Bon Iver. I've helped some friends move in together. They are going to live in a beautiful house in the middle of the city. Happiness was shining from their faces, knowing they would live under the same roof from now on. The air was clear and everyone who helped out sat on the couches and the chairs afterwards, looking fulfilled.
I'm home alone now. I ate some stuff from the fridge and watched some music video's. I felt something, something I hadn't felt in a long time. It's the feeling I used to have before summer vacation when I was still in school. It's a feeling that anything is possible, anything, anything could happen. So many new people to meet, so many new experiences to be had, new places to be discovered, sunlight to be enjoyed. It's a very powerful feeling and I miss it, it doesn't visit me very often anymore. Maybe because life has become routinely. I'm not sure though. Because life's also routinely when you're in school. Why has it stayed away for so long? Is it because I'm getting older and my life is more mapped out than it used to be? Maybe, that should be it. But it's not really. Anything could still happen. I could run off and start a whole new life. I could live in a warm country in a house on the beach. Making a living by cooking lunch for surfers and writing in the evenings. Life could be like that, it can still be like that.
The highpoint of this feeling was during my travel. And in the light of all things I'm stuck with, struggling with today, sometimes the best you can do is go back. You go back to the moment when you were extremely happy, because then you knew. You knew about life and love and happiness. I took my journal from Brazil out from the drawer and started reading. Life is like that also. It's not just fighting with my boss and fighting with my relatives. It also the feeling I had during this journey. It lasts forever, time's not really linear, I am there forever because I was there once. No new bad stuff that happens to me could ever undo that.
So here's a list of things I wrote down at the end of my journey. It seems kind of ironic knowing now that life would become much harder afterwards, testing the things I told myself and not passing those tests. But it doesn't matter. That's why I'm going back now, because today I feel the same as I did back then. And just one moment like this is enough to erase everything bad in between.
1.: Open your mind. Don't refrain from having that conversation with that stranger. Be curious and open. Who knows what you might discover, it's an adventure. When a stranger asks for your help, drop everything to give him what he needs. You will be satisfied.
2.: Don't ever think you are worth less because someone tries to make you believe you are. Avoid such people. Stay true to yourself, love yourself en you will encounter the things in your life which are yours. You will live the life that fulfils you.
3.: Search for happiness. Work on it, it doesn't just happen. You need time and practice, but you have to start. I have to start. Playing the guitar, writing. I don't want to live in my head anymore, but for real. Let the energy flow to my body and let me be physically tired instead of mentally tired. I can do it.
4.: Don't be afraid of the things that are coming your way. Everything will truly be all right. Be open to the future. Don't plan your life too tightly, you will miss out on things.
5.: Stay in the company of good people, generous loving people who will be there for you and for whom you are there. People who love you for who you are, who grant you your freedom. Share with them all you have.
6: Enjoy good food, good people, good music. Turn off the TV. Go outside. Be cheerful. Look up the sun.
