I am aware that I haven't been writing a lot these days. I'd like to explain to you why. Something pretty amazing is happening to me. I think it's caused by the good weather, sunshine and vacation. But I'd like to think it's more than that. I'd like to think I've changed. I remember a year ago or so my mother told me that as a child I was always busy. I was constantly thinking of new games, playing, drawing, crafting. She told me she never had to give me anything to do, I was always active and creative. I felt very sad when she told me this. Because I had forgotten I was ever like that and haven' t felt like that happy energetic child anymore in a long time, being weared down by work, responsibilities and social obligations. I think the choice for not working 40 hours a week anymore was the best one I've made in this past year. It took me half a year to struggle with myself after making that choice and I was still very stressed even though my working hours were less.
But I'm arriving somewhere now. I stepped on a train and this is my first stop. I've started cleaning up and redecorating the house. And I'm having a lot of fun with it. I remember some time ago I posted here that I wasn't good at redecorating and it felt like doing chores. It feels completely different now. I feel like the busy active creative child again. It started by gaining confidence, because I was afraid I couldn't even hold a hammer the right way. But I just began. And of course I am my clumsy self for a great part of the time. But I get better along the way. And it's mine. All I'm doing is mine. The house is becoming our house. I'm taking my time. It's not about making it look good for others. It's about making it yours.
It can be really healthy to touch everything in your house with your hands. In dreams, your house is a reflection of your soul. When you enter an empty dusty chamber while sleeping, there's a part of your soul you've been neglecting. There are a lot of things in this house I've been neglecting. Still unpacked bags and boxes after I've moved in here for 2 years. So cleaning up the house is like taking care of myself. Looking at myself. Dusting the shelves of my imagination. I'm getting healthier with every step. I need less sleep, less food. This is how I wanted to live when I started this blog in January. I'm getting there. It's a start. Let's keep up this pace.
